Sunday, August 30, 2009

What trees have learned from the earth that they've shared with the sky...

Feeling lonely in a big city is quite bizarre. You see people every where you turn, yet all the while that feeling of being ridiculously insignificant lingers within you. What if you were standing on a side walked and yelled at the very top of your lungs? Would anyone notice? You feel that they won't...

It's weird how in the quest to find meaning, you may inadvertently push those who were already close to you. I'm a bit tired of being deemed the gray cloud amongst those I care about. And while I want to be angry at them for these thoughts, I need to be mature about this and truly consider what it is about me that triggers such labels. A healthy balance must be found. I don't want to live a life where I never take a moment to examine and self reflect. However, I may risk letting my life pass by in trapping myself in such a routine. I mean, an unlived life isn't really worth examining, right?

I want to take chances, be young and be wild, but on my own terms. I want to love, dance, sing as I wish without worrying about others and what they might think about me. I have a lot of life in me, and I want to do all of this without depending on alcohol or other drugs to facilitate this. I want to meet new people and make new friends. I'm still young and while I appreciate the people in my life, I have to realize that there is still time to learn. There are many other people's paths that I need to and want to cross.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Bread and mango jam

So I've decided to start a blog...why? Frankly, I don't know. Most of my friends would agree that I'm the last person on earth to get involved in such a venture. Then again, I feel that most of my friends have no clue who I am. To those who think I'm sweet...I'm actually quite bitter, and the person most likely to notice their tree trunk legs. To those who think I'm a bitch..I'd probably be the most loyal friend they've ever had.

I'm still trying to figure out why I've decided to start a blog. I've often times found myself judging others who've done so. "What makes you think you're so special or so interesting, that the entire world should be privy to your thoughts?" Nonetheless, in the past few weeks, I've come to realize that everyone has a voice and a message worthwhile listening to. I'm going through a transformation of sorts and am eager to share this (if virtually, then so be it) with someone. Throughout this transformation I've come to redefine my notion of friendships, of health, of relationships, of family, of career choices and of self reflection. That was the easy part. "And the hard part?" you might ask. Implementation. I've always been a sucker for these 4 or 6 week challenges. Mind you, I always quit unintentionally. How does one quit unintentionally, you might ask? Easy, then forget about their mission and lose track of their goals. So what are your goals, you might ask? Be the person that I've always envisioned myself to be, both inside and out...